I provide couples therapy for couples who are committed to making their relationships work. I will not do therapy with couples who are simply making one last-ditch effort before they divorce because it is my experience that they have already made the decision to split up, and their subsequent lack of commitment significantly interferes with therapy.
I am very up-front about the fact that I have a strong bias toward trying to make marriage work. I am not likely to encourage a divorce, so please keep that in mind as you think about whether or not you want to work with me in therapy.
Couples usually complete a personality assessment called the PRF. This is a “normative” test of personality and it will tell you useful things that relate to how your work together as a couple. It is not, however, a test that will tell you whether or not you have a psychotic disorder, so don’t worry that it will reveal all your hidden secrets ? You will learn to appreciate the other person for who they really are. Most couples find the shared sense of discovery helpful, and most people find out that their spouse is probably trying to be less annoying than they might have thought. What I mean by this is that the PRF helps you understand what drives your behavior. It may be that you simply have a need to be quite independent, and therefore the reason you don’t include your spouse in decisions is not because you are trying to be irritating.
I encourage couples to start therapy before things get really bad. It’s easier to mend broken relationships when you can still find all the pieces. However, if things have already gotten pretty rough in your relationship, don’t give up hope. Most couples don’t seek therapy as soon as they probably should. Behavioral marriage therapy can help you re-awaken those long-lost feelings of love for your partner, and can help you feel closer and more deeply understood by each other. If you are committed to making your marriage work, things can get better.
If you aren’t able to get the therapy help you need now, you might benefit from reading the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.